


Personal Security

by mackenziebutterschnapps (hannibalsbattlebot)



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, implied/referenced trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2018-03-26 13:23:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3852457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannibalsbattlebot/pseuds/mackenziebutterschnapps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Frederick Chilton returns to the BSHCI after his recovery from Abel Gideon's attack. Work isn't the solace he thought it would be and he doesn't know if anything will be "normal" again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Personal Security

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline note: takes place after Abel Gideon's attack but before Will is arrested and imprisoned at the BSHCI

It was Frederick's first day back at BSHCI since the attack. Recuperating at home had been painful in more than one way, but here at BSHCI he was in his castle, his fortress.

He had to forget that this is where he had been attacked.

He would be safe in his office, with all the locked doors between him and the parking lot where he had been kidnapped by his former patient. Once he got into the work routine, he told himself, he would forget and everything would return to normal.

Only, he didn't. He kept having flashes of the attack blindside him all morning. He remembered more than he had admitted to anyone. The memories painted in stark red, blue and black. Gideon hadn't even allowed him the comfort of unconsciousness.

It used to seem to Frederick that he didn't have enough hours in the day to do his work, but now time dragged.

Sitting at his desk was giving him too much time to think. He needed to move, although moving was difficult. It was time to make a personal appearance, to let the staff know Dr. Chilton was back and back in charge.

Only once he started his tour did he realize it was a bad idea. No one talked to him, which wasn't unusual, but instead of being intimidated, they were curious. Frederick felt like he was under a microscope, everyone watching him to see if he was a changed man, a weaker man.

When Frederick started feeling the tightness in his chest, the queasiness, the feeling that he couldn't take in enough air, he knew it was an oncoming panic attack. He hadn't had one of these since he was trying to hack it in medical school.

He took a detour down an empty corridor to try to collect himself enough to make it back to his office. There were no patients in these cells and no one there to see him. He loosened his tie and unbuttoned his collar. He leaned against the wall, took the deepest breaths he could and waited for the panic to recede.

He couldn't do this, not today, but what choice did he have now? He would have to walk through the parking lot to get to his car and he didn't know if he could do that either. He was trapped. Just another inmate.

"You okay?"

Frederick looked up. One of his employees where there, having walked up on him silently in thick-soled nurse's shoes. Frederick couldn't remember his name and couldn't even begin to try. The orderly looked concerned enough, but he probably couldn't wait to tell everyone that he was the one who got to see Dr. Chilton's breakdown. Frederick thought about trying to pass himself off as all right, but he knew he looked terrible and could barely stand up straight. His usual defenses were down. This had been a mistake.

"I think I came back too soon," Frederick said and swallowed audibly. "I'm going to go home early."

"I'm surprised you came back at all," the orderly said. "This is where Gideon took you from, right?"

Frederick was surprised by his bluntness. "In the parking lot."

"You okay to walk out?"

Frederick tried to construct some kind of casual-sounding assurances, but he couldn't put together the false words.

"I'll walk you," the orderly said, "when you're ready."

The idea made Frederick shake his head. This wiry young man thought he would make an intimidating bodyguard. But then again, it wasn't the worst idea. Maybe this man wouldn't be able to disarm an attacker, but it would be a good idea to have someone with him, as unsteady and light-headed as he felt.

"Let's go," Frederick said. His head was clearing and the name came back to him. "Matthew."

Matthew's smile was lop-sided and boyish. _Oh, yes,_ Frederick thought. _This is my bodyguard, Huckleberry Finn._

Matthew wiped the smile off his face, squared his shoulders and walked out in front of Frederick. Without the smirk and the slacker slouch, he looked taller, broader, and older. With his escort, Frederick went back to his office, collected his briefcase, told his secretary he would be gone for that day and left the building. He rebuffed Matthew's offer of an arm to lean on going down the stairs, although he did let Matthew carry his briefcase. Frederick leaned heavily on his cane and moved gingerly. Matthew showed no sign of impatience with his slow progress.

This orderly was taking his duty seriously, unsmiling and silent, scanning their surroundings. He opened the car door for Frederick, and held his cane while he lowered himself carefully into the driver's seat.  When he was safely in, Matthew handed the cane back to him, said "there you go, sir," and closed the car door.

 

 

The next day, Frederick was only slightly surprised to see Matthew waiting for him at his parking spot, looking alert, standing military-straight with his arms clasped behind him. They repeated the procedure from the day before in reverse: Matthew opened the car door and kept pace with Frederick as he made his slow way out of the car, up the stairs and into the building. Matthew escorted him right to his office and opened the door for him.

"Everything good?" Matthew glanced around the room like he expected assassins to spring out from behind the books on the bookshelf.

"Yes, thank you, Matthew," Frederick said.

"Then I'm going to go. What time do you think you're going to knock off for the day?"

"Maybe around five," Frederick said, which was still earlier than a usual day. Suddenly, he noticed the way Matthew was dressed—casually, in jeans. "Are you working?"

"Not today," he said. "So I'll see you at five."

"You don't need to come in on your day off to guard me," Frederick said.

"I think I do," Matthew said, setting down Frederick's briefcase on the desk. "Well, maybe I don't have to, but I'm going to."

It was a small kindness that struck Frederick right to the heart. This employee who didn't even know him was the only one who had done anything other than watch and wait for him to fall to pieces. Frederick knew it was partly his own fault. He wasn't the easiest person to get along with and few people thought the payoff was worth enough to try.

"Thank you," Frederick said. He wanted to blame his fragile emotional state for what he did next. He placed his hand over Matthew's hand, leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

At that moment Frederick felt the full shame of his actions. He had been so starved for human contact that he took the smallest consideration and acted so inappropriately, with a subordinate. _I'll have to resign my position_ , he thought. And then, in horror, _he's probably young enough to be my son_.

Matthew's pulled back his hand from under Frederick's and Frederick thought that he winding up for a punch. Frederick wouldn't have blamed him. Instead, Matthew used his freed hand to pull him closer by the hip. His face lit up with that same lop-sided smile, and then kissed a surprised Frederick on the lips.  Frederick only distantly registered the clatter of his cane falling as he used both hands to hold Matthew closer. He felt Matthew's steadying hand on the small of his back.

After the kiss ended, Frederick didn't want to let him go. He kept his eyes closed tightly and hugged him, his face buried in Matthew's shoulder. He was afraid if he opened his eyes everything would change. He couldn't believe his luck. _This does not happen to me. Good things do not happen to me_.

Matthew kissed him on the top of the head and then pulled slightly away. "Hey, hey," he said. "You have work to do. We can't mess around all day."

This time, Frederick accepted Matthew's help easing into his chair. Matthew retrieved his fallen cane and leaned it carefully against the desk, in arms reach for when Frederick would need it.

"Do you need anything before I leave?" Matthew asked, then smiled again. "Anything _else_?"

"No. I'm all set," Frederick said, smiling back. He felt warm, but it wasn't the rising tide of panic. It was pleasant, comforting warmth.

"Okay," Matthew said. "I'll see you at five then." 

When the door closed, Frederick got up and went over to the window. He watched Matthew emerge from the building and walk down the front steps to his car, swinging his keys in his hand. In a few hours, he would be back, and Frederick would again know he was safe.


End file.
